Go Cougs!

I leave in less than 24 hours. Whoa!!!

My friend Brady threw me a "going-away" party last night. It was me and the Microsoft-posse that I have grown so fond of. I will miss them all so dearly!

September is such a fantastic month in Seattle.. I wish I could be here for it. The fall weather is just absolutely beautiful! The warm winds, the trees swayin' like crazy, football on the tele! I'm so bummed I have to miss football season! When I was planning to study abroad I was thinking I didn't want to miss basketball season... but now I would miss out either way really. I love the sounds of football games, it's a weird comfort. The announcers..the crowd screamin.. the echoing calls from the refs,.. the little FSN ditty that plays every time the game is back..

Hmmm sigh. Hopefully I can find a way to watch or listen online :) Thank goodness for the world wide web, eh??!

It's gametime, yo. Cougs vs Cowboys. GO COUGS!

Thoughts

As I ready myself for my departure, I am experiencing a multitude of emotions. At first, I was full of excitement, then nervousness, then excitement again... Now I am feeling some sort of bittersweet something.. I've made some pretty cool new friends this summer and weaved closer bonds with others. I am so sad to leave them. I have to keep reminding myself that I am ONLY gone for 4 months and it's just like going to Pullman for regular school anyway just without Thanksgiving break. The Warmth by Incubus. I am sad to leave my family again also. They are so supportive of me and they are all so excited for this awesome opportunity for adventure I have ahead of me. I really am lucky to have such a fantastic family. I Can't Quit You Baby by Led Zeppelin. One day when I'm all grown up and moved out, I hope that my family is close to me still. I don't want to have to fly across the country to see them..That'd be like moving away from my best friends! The people that make me laugh and smile the most! Sigh. I am feeling creative, I think I'll paint something. Of course, after I take off my brand new black skinny pants that are the most comfy pants I have EVER owned! I wouldn't want to ruin them :)

I hope everyone is having a fantastic time enjoying life and taking advantage of every opportunity that comes their way. You only have one life....so live it well! Strip My Mind by Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Holy granola, Strip My Mind's solo is so stinkin mind blowing.

Moving?

I am going to give WordPress a shot.

My study abroad to Italy starts in 10 days. This blog is moreso my random thoughts and discoveries...the WordPress blog will be about my travels.

If you'd like to follow my trip to Italy feel free to take a little trip on over to this blog I just created: http://katyharrison.wordpress.com/

I haven't decided what I'll do with this fantastic blog, ...I might not like WordPress and come back here..but so far WordPress seems much more organized and has some more user options that are appealing to me.. hmmm. We'll see!

Warped Tour 2008

Warped Tour, as always, was at The Gorge in George on Saturday. The place is so beautiful.. every time I go it never let's me down!

Firstly, here's a little list of the bands I saw (in no particular order):

Confide
3oh!3
Angels & Airwaves
The Academy Is...
Say Anything
Alesana
All Time Low
Reel Big Fish
Classic Crime
Cobra Starship
Katy Perry
Oreskaband
Gym Class Heroes
Story of the Year
Family Force Five


I know there were more, but that's all I can remember at the moment. Also, Four Years Strong and From First To Last both played at 11:something AM so I wasn't able to see them--we arrived to the gates at about 5 til noon... I also wanted to see Dr. Manhattan but they played when I wanted to see another band.... Lame.

Confide was a good live screamo band. There are some really bad ones out there...You have to even out the screaming with some good melodies and singing, maybe some good heavy beats and double bass.., otherwise it's just difficult to keep listening. They had great stage presence and put on an enjoyable show, though coming back and listening to their MySpace was a little disappointing. Sometimes bands are just way better live.

30h!3 I highly recommend if you are into some good quality white boy electro hip hop.. huh? Yeah. It's pretty bumpin. With those contagious beats it was hard not to dance. Not to mention their humor... You can tell those guys were a bunch of horny dudes making music about your typical rap topics.. they just did it in a way that wasn't completely serious; it was hilarious. I almost bought their cd, but I couldn't find their merch tent and had to move it to the next stage to see A&A. Track to check out: Don't Trust Me

I walked to the main stage for Angels & Airwaves thinking to myself that I shouldn't ruin the image I have of them by watching 'em totally suck live... But I was pleasantly surprised! Tom Delonge could use a bit more facial expression to improve his stage presence, but his singing voice was hitting the notes and sounded good so I didn't mind that much. A&A, in my opinion, had the most feel-good show at Warped this year. (Side note: I went to their tent to snag a Tshirt and their merch guy totally hit on me! Niiiiice :P haha)

Say Anything was fantastic!!! I had been looking forward to seeing them for a long time so I was hoping to not be let down. Alas, Max Bemis's total theater geekness and energy did him well--he was very fun to watch. Do yourself a favor and check them out if you haven't already.. Tracks to check out: Shiksa and Every Man Has A Molly

So those were the good ones...here are the "could have been better" bands (plus I'm getting bored so I'll wrap it up):

Alesana could have been better. I think they are too poppy for me.. I left about 2 songs into their set. The Academy Is... was lame. Boring. All their songs sound the same... Bleh. All Time Low I had seen before.. They always put on an energtic show, interacting with the crowd and movin' all over the stage. Quality live show. Not really my cup o' tea for regular listening though. Classic Crime (one of the few Seattle bands) wasn't too bad; I think I've seen them too many times. For Cobra Starship I just chilled in the back...My ride was in the pit and it was the end of the night. They weren't awful, but very mainstreamy. Katy Perry kissed a girl and she liked it. I wonder how many girls have kissed..girls just because of that song? I only caught her last song and thought it was pretty alright, though my friend who saw her whole set said she has a bad voice... Oreskaband was awesome! I'm not into ska at all, but this Japanese ska band blew everyone out of the water. An all girls 6-piece group, ..these energetic chicks were so funny and were very talented. Like others though, I was disappointed when coming back home and visiting their myspace page..They sound better live. Gym Class Heroes I caught about half their set from the lawn. I think I shoulda gone closer because I didn't enjoy it much.

And last but not least we have Story of the Year. They played on the well-deserved main stage. I saw these guys back in high school when their debut album Page Avenue was released. They were great, experienced, energetic... man I'm out of juices here. All in all they were enjoyable, sorta nostalgic (Until the Day I Die).

YEAH WARPED TOUR!

My family is so stinkin' cool.

With the birth of two new cousins (left Cedar & Tesa), I have seen my extended family a whole lot more than usual these last few months. I wish we all lived just a little bit closer so we could hang out more like this. I love it! My extended family is so stinkin' awesome....we are so lucky. We all have so much love and respect for each other.. Fantastic humor is always present.. Little cousins running around screaming with laughter.. There's always incredible food to enjoy..

I leave for Italy in 23 days. These are the things I keep hearing from friends and family: "Be safe!" "Have fun!" "Be careful..." 'I'm jealous!" "You'll have a blast!!!" "Are you excited??"

My favorite little piece thus far is something my grandpa said to me:
"Have you heard the eyeball thing?"
"No gpa.., eyeball thing? What are you talking about?"
"You go in like you're going to kiss the guy,..." *his hands move up to hold the sides of my head*
"...and then you smash his eyes to the back of his head with your thumbs!!"
And then he mentions something about wanting to hear the guy sing and using your knee as well..... haha.

Alright! So now I know how to make a man scream in pain. Though I'm not sure I'd be able to stick my thumbs into his eyeballs and smoosh them backwards.... I might be too grossed out--unless I was actually scared and helpless then yeah, I guess I'll use it. Thanks Gpa, for that fantastic lesson in self-defense haha.


OH! and get this... My grandma, yes.. my grandma, is coming with me to the Radiohead concert in 2 weeks! DUDE! I HAVE THE COOLEST GRANDMA!

Setting Sun

I just came across a new blog... MVSW. I'm not quite sure what it stands for, but I like what they post....In any case, I am stealing a link from them so you guys can listen to a song they posted haha. How Long by Setting Sun. It's real good! You can visit their post to stream the song or download it below..I have yet to figure out how people are posting songs with the flash player... I need to look that up. Anyway, here's their post:

Setting Sun ~ “How Long”
myspace plays: 5,615
MP3 download
“How Long” sounds like Conor Oberst playing covers of Dinosaur jr songs. Setting Sun is the brain child of Gary Levitt who also plays in Quitzow and is based out of New York.

yetanothermusicweblog.com

My friend Gareth over at yetanothermusicweblog.com has posted a cool video and an idea he has about interviewing music bloggers, musicians, film makers..etc. Check out Gareth's recent post introducing the idea and get in contact with him if you are interested in participating!

http://www.yetanothermusicweblog.com/2008/07/who-are-you-yet.html



Who are YOU? yetanothermusicweblog from gareth irons on Vimeo.

But, Honestly

Foo Fighters' But, Honestly live at Key Arena in Seattle

Like I said, ..incredible.

Foo Fighters in Seattle

Ladies and Gentlemen! DAVE GROHL is a ROCK GOD!

Never in my life have I seen such an incredible rock show.. From the moment the first notes of opener "Let It Die" began, I was in some form of Heaven on Earth.

They played July 9th at Key Arena, home of the Soni....oh wait, nevermind. Anyway, Foo played some hard-rockin' tunes, a few acoustics, the hits, the emotionally moving songs..... Oh man, I can't even find the words to describe how absolutely beautiful this show was.

I will never forget it, I can promise you that.

Read the PI's review: http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/pop/370249_foo10q.html

Setlist
[Main stage:] Let It Die - The Pretender - Times Like These - No Way Back - Cheer Up, Boys (Your Makeup Is Running) - Learn To Fly - This Is A Call - Long Road To Ruin - Breakout - Stacked Actors
[Acoustic stage:] Skin And Bones - Marigold - My Hero - Cold Day In The Sun - But, Honestly - Everlong
[back to Main stage:] Monkey Wrench - All My Life
[Encore...the 5-song encore:] Big Me - DOA - Generator - Aurora - Best Of You

If I had to name favorites I would say the 1st three songs were stinkin powerful and blew me away.... Also Long Road to Ruin.... Skin and Bones was absolutely beautiful.... But, Honestly (I took video of this one--will post soon!)... and Everlong.... Best of You...

Okay, so I basically loved the entire show. You get the point.

In conclusion, Dave Grohl is a head bangin, power-house, god of Rock. Goodnight.

Joy

Svefn-g-englar by Sigur Ros Listening to this song, the thunder in the wide sky, the rain lightly drip-dropping outside the window... So peaceful.

I wanted to share this song with you, whoever you are. So here is the incredible music video performed by the Perlan Theater Group. It's beautifully done; an unexpected joy to watch!

60 days

It took me almost four hours of being awake to realize that today is the 1st of July. Wasn't it just May 5th?

60 days til Italy!

Infinity...whoa!

To put a price on the most beautiful work of art to ever exist...One man paid $25 million to go into space for 14 days.

What an incredible scene to witness! What a feeling to experience! Weightlessness! Stars! The infinite darkness of the universe! Yet...our source of light..

The Sun.
Our source of light.
Heat.
Sun burns.
Vitamin D.
Happiness.
Squints.
Freckles.

I wonder how many more years the sun will survive. Like everything else in this world, it must have a beginning and an end! So many people ask "How old is the earth?" But who asks how old the sun is? An average main sequence star shines for 10 billion years until it starts to spread out and dim, aka a Red Giant. How much bigger will the sun be when it's a Red Giant? Will we, or whatever inhabits the earth at the time, be a part of a new era? An ice age? Or become extinct because of the harsh conditions? When the Red Giant phase is over and the sun is a planetary nebula....Mamma mia!!!!! How beautiful! A nebular explosion so close to us, so colorful and mysterious. Would the earth and the other planets in orbit around the sun be destroyed? Or would they no longer orbit the sun and just... float in space? Whoa. Floating in space is such a weird concept to grasp. When I think of the universe I think of it infinitely horizontal, I don't really think about it being infinitely vertical. Not that there is an up or down in space. Technically there isn't even an up or down that is consistent.. down all points to the center of the earth so why don't we call it.."core" ? Up always points out to the sky, to infinity and beyond! So why not call "up" something else? Yeah I know, it's easy. Up and Down. But. But... I don't have anything else to say.

Breakfast at Sarathan

Day 3 at Sarathan Records:

I was running a little late today. I packed up my lunch,.. and some more food for breakfast. As I walked from 3rd & Union up to Howell and Minor, I couldn't help but smile and say G'mornin'! to passersby. The sun was bright and shining!, sidewalks began to fill with with business people, homeless awoke from their slumber, tourists lugged around roley-suitcases sporting goofy visors or cameras around their necks. I just continued walking my many blocks from the busstop full of happiness or joy or whatever you'd like to call it. Contentment, maybe that's a better word.

I arrived at the office, climbed the stairs, but my junk on my desk and kept walking right out to the back porch. I pulled out a bag of fresh strawberries and my favorite Red Raspberry Yoplait yogurt. Glancing out at the Seattle skyline I felt pretty stinkin' good about my life. I love it.

I enjoyed breakfast at Sarathan and began to get to work at my desk as the sun kept rising into the almost-cloudless sky.

re: If we were all naked

After watching the video for Sigur Ros' new song "Gobbledigook", I was reminded of a blog I posted back in April (If we were all naked).

These people,.. they look so happy. If it resembles anything of what it would be like to live in a nudist colony, count me in.

To view the video, and get a free song download of "Gobbledigook", go to http://www.sigurros.com/dvd3.asp.

In any case, the rest of the Sigur Ros album is absolutely FANTASTIC. I cannot wait for it to be released so I can own a copy!

Pointless rambling

I can't believe it's June already! I've been home for about 3 weeks and I have done 50 different deep-clean/re-organize/donate-stuff days. Yeah not really 50 but I feel like I shouldn't have to do this so often. My new theory is that I should be able to pack everything in my room when I move out and not leave anything behind for my family to have to deal with; to get rid of everything that I won't need if I moved out. Each time I do this it's easier to let go of the really lame things I have no use for. I think rearranging my room helped a lot because then I had to create a new space for everything in my room... I couldn't just leave the most of it wherever it was.

I have a few more bags and boxes to conquer before I move onto my bookshelf, and then back to my closet. I have donated clothes countless times over this last year but I still have stuff I don't wear. All my old art from high school... some of it great art, some of it just practice and not worthy of showing off.

My bookshelf will be difficult. Which books do I leave behind and which do I keep for when I am building my own library? What about all my cd cases... They are fine where they are, I just have a few cds that I really wouldn't mind throwing in the garbage.

I have found that boxes and extra compartments for organizing just drive me nuts! I feel like I keep more things when I have these extra storage places. No need! Get rid of it!!!!! I have a box that I have been throwing stuff in just because it doesn't belong anywhere. I have a bag full of some things I don't need now but will need when I have my own place, ie measuring cups, Halloween decorations, bubbles...Bubbles? hah yeah I don't know but I feel like one day I'll need some.

Another thing to clean? My walls! Yes my walls. Oi. I have so many posters I can't take them down cuz they'd have nowhere to go. Okay I don't feel like rambling anymore. I'm done.

Italia

Not going to happen: Sleeping past 11am for many days, not wanting experiences, not wanting adventure, making excuses

--
She loves adventure, loves new people and places, loves to laugh, smile, interact, dance, experience life and music, culture, the world!

To quote an overused Robert Frost poem:
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

--
When time comes to be completely independent in a foreign land, I hope I am able to go the right way and recognize when I need change or re-evaluation.

Contentment

Jesu Mix by Explosions in the Sky

Float
Fly
Soar
Relax
Breathe deep
Heart beats
Body sways
Emotions swell

Ebb and flow

Cool breeze

Dance, ..dance


Waves crashhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
CRASH!
Flow ouuuuuuuuuttttt
CRASH!

Awwwwwwhhh
Ooooooooooh
Mmmmmm

Breathe in
Breathe out

Float

Beauty

One o' those

I am telling myself I'm not feeling something that I am obviously feeling. It's like I deny it in so many ways, but then deep deep down somewhere in my subconscious--or somewhere in my heart--I know it's there.

See Right Through Me by Mobile = this is, "one o' those songs" for me

"one o' those songs"
it's a memory
full of emotion
eyes closed tight
wide sound

Violet Hill

So. Coldplay has a new single. It just came out this past week (Tues. 4/29) and it completely has blown me A-WAYYY.

Violet Hill by Coldplay.

There are so many things about this song that get me.. The beginning starts by quietly pulling you out into space. The chilling voice of Chris Martin, a few chords being struck on the piano, the immediate marching beat... It completely takes a hold of me and my body from the beginning; I cannot help but close my eyes and move to the beat.. The beat... The beat.. The beat.. it's consistent. So consistent throughout the entirety of the song. The guitar and the drums are heavy and intense. When the march stops and the song is nearly ending...... Martin's voice calms down, the piano is slow; you can hear distinct notes and not just the pounding chords. This quiet ending... this soft, beautiful ending.... It gives me the chills. If I'm listening via headphones and get the whole experience? Yeah, I won't lie--my eyes water up a bit. Not even listening to the words of the song... it's the way Chris Martin sings it... the way the song is so intense and then all of a sudden it floats in space again.. I become overwhelmed with emotion. It's so beautiful! So powerful!

These are the songs I live for!

I'm home

I'm back home from school. It's a little weird to be back so far but it's not bad.

My first mission is to donate 1/2 of my clothes and get rid of all the junk I have collected for the past 20 years. It looks as though a bomb went off in my room; it's a total disaster! I've done pretty well with the clothes part, but as always.. I hesitate to donate a lot of it because, "Oh I'll need that one day."

Talk about distractions. Sheesh I am such a case of ADD today. Bumping around forgetting things, getting distracted, changing my mind. Bleh. Alright.

My second mission is to find myself a job I enjoy. At first I was thinking it'd be fun to work in a restaurant. Now I am thinking I'd rather work at Silver Platters. I am going to go in tomorrow and see if I can meet a manager and maybe apply for a job there. The hours are 10am-10pm Monday thru Saturday and 10am-7pm on Sundays. It might suck to have to work on weekends but I'd have fun I think.

Okay enough for now I'm too much of a space case to make much sense.

If we were all naked

Originally this was a response to my sister's blog, Au Naturale. But because I have found that I ramble very easily off the earth and back again, it became rather long and I have decided to post it here and let my brain continue to ramble without thinking "Man, this is too long for a comment." In any case, here it is:

If we were all naked, shaving wouldn't be a daily concern--it'd be an absurd idea, for both sexes. Why get rid of that natural warmth? If we were all naked, transgenders would have it a little more rough than they already do. Running would not be fun--for women or for men. Extreme sports? Hmm. We'd probably have a lot of calusses from various activities, including sitting on our bums. Perhaps skin cancer would be more of a problem than it is today, or we would have developed an immunity to it.

As far as the emotional side, man.. I don't know. There wouldn't be that freedom of expression via our clothing. How can you be respectful at a funeral? How do you show professionalism in an office setting or at an interview? Comb your body hair? Would it be fun to go to Prom? How could sexy, modest, hippie, granola, preppy, goth, etc, be portrayed? Or would these things not exist in appearance... but only through our actions and words? Stereotyping would be completely different.

After rambling a bit, I think clothing would have been inevitable as a human race. But maybe my opinion is skewed because clothing is such a normal idea to me and to our society.. I can't seem to imagine life or comfort without it..

I wonder what it is like to live in a nudist colony. I bet there have been experiments or interviews done with nudist colonies. I would love to hear why they prefer that particular lifestyle and what drove them to do so. Wouldn't it be an interesting test of character to live in a nudist colony for a year? Wow! I can imagine it would be awkward for a few days or a week and then I would get used to it. As long as the people around me were regular nudists and weren't just thrown into it like I would be throwing myself into it.

Here's a thought. So they say, some or most men, or all men, undress women with their eyes when they are sexually attracted to them. If we were all naked, all the time, what would replace these thoughts? What would replace scantily clad women? Stripping, skinny-dipping, streaking, indescent exposure... all invalid.

For some reason, I cannot seem to imagine our world today, with all the technology and advancements we have.. with no clothing. We have amazing shelters, showers, toilets, cars.. can you imagine sitting on leather seats in the nude? We have umbrellas. Isn't that some form of clothing? Something to protect us from natural elements?

Who's idea was it that being wet from rain was a bad thing? Rain is beautiful! It's clean! It's fresh! It helps provide growth in all things living! What made someone decide we should stay out of the rain? Someone with clothes? They didn't want to get their clothing wet because they would then become cold.

Man I'm tired.

The hardest button to button

New clean look. I like this layout--it's fresh and not so restricting. I have found that my posts become rather long so a skinny column doesn't do much for the reader.

Currently listening to: Hey You by Pink Floyd on pandora.com. Pandora is an excellent website for when I am in the lab for animation and have forgotten my iPod. I just type in an artist that I am in the mood for, and out pops tons of songs that fit. For No One by The Beatles.

Today was an odd mix. It started out with me running out of my room down the hall and down the stairs out the front door... to watch my bus drive by. Woops! Not a good start. So I ate breakfast, vanilla soy milk and SmartStart, and caught the next one; I was only 6 minutes late. We talked about mindfulness again, my excessive sleeping.. again, and my current development of having not so many friends. Automatic Stop by The Strokes. I really like the mindfulness strategy, hopefully I can make that work when it needs to. My sleeping? Yeah. Slept 'til 2pm yesterday. Don't get me wrong I LOVE sleeping--it's just that it is starting to actually become embarrassing when I'm late somewhere or my roommate comes back from class and I'm still in bed. I have also found that I am starting to think of it as a waste of time, a waste of a day. Mornings are so peaceful, so full of fresh air and pleasant sounds. The Ocean Breathes Salty by Modest Mouse. In any case, the resulting strategy is this: create a routine in the morning that involves something that I love to do and would just love to get of bed for. "Sacrifice your comfort," she says. "Be willing to leave that warm, comfy bed.. just throw off those covers!" Currently my only idea is to do some morning yoga. Maybe drink some tea and check my email. Sounds like a pretty easy routine right? We'll see. Starting tomorrow. Shiver (Live) by Coldplay. Now, as far as this friend thing goes--I know I have friends. It's just that sometimes I feel a little alone in a crowd. Even with ample opportunity to make new friends or strike up a conversation, all I can think about is "I am such a loner, I have no friends!" I know it isn't true. In fact, I have some really quality friends that I wouldn't trade for the world. None of them were around that day. Oh well, life goes on right?

Starlight by Muse. Resulting goals from session 5:
1. Continue to be mindful
2. Start a morning routine
3. Call acquaintances to hang out and get to know them--provide friends for myself
4. Write down my "pitfalls", (things that are showing signs I am getting depressed again), so that when I am in Italy, I can remember that list, and keep myself in check
5. Make a schedule for when I will talk to my family/friends when in Italy

Heart In A Cage by The Strokes. Words I repeated to myself as I walked the entire way home:
Mindfulness, Consistence, Routine...Mindful, Consistent, Routine. Be mindful, create consistency, start a routine...

The Hardest Button to Button by The White Stripes.

The Bastards Have Landed by Logh. The rest of my day went alright. I finished my final project for a class (a website), and was then 10 minutes late. I told the kid I always sit next to I fell asleep and my roommate came back to our room and woke me. Yeah, so I lied; it didn't hurt anyone did it? In any case, it was my day to present. Fortunately I knew what I was talking about and didn't need to prepare an actual speech. I most likely got an A.

Drink to Moving On by Grand National. Yoga was beautiful tonight. It felt so wonderful. Danielle was so happy to see me. She always leads the most amazing routines that leave me feeling at peace, relaxed, refreshed.. Read My Mind by The Killers. I will miss her soothing voice guiding my practice and her laugh at the end of every class. I have learned a lot from her. The last few classes the sun has been setting over the course of the hour we are there. The windows that span the length of the wall.. and their reflection on the mirror at the side of the room.. Oh man. The natural lighting and the colors are just phenomenal. We are so lucky to have gotten that room at the time that we did. Remind Me by Royksopp.

Hmmm

What if our main purpose in life was ..the pursuit of happiness?

That's what we’re all after, isn’t it?

S of c, part 3 - pursuit of happiness

The Pursuit of Happiness.

Should we have to pursue it? Or is it something that comes naturally? Maybe it’s something we have to chase after in order to appreciate what happiness is, to understand what happiness is. In my experience happiness is something I have had to strive for. I have to allow myself to be happy. I have to set aside worry, anger, hate.. and focus on what makes life good. What does make life good? Experiencing the beauty of the earth and the wonders of nature. Close friends that truly love me and I truly love them. Family. Music that hits me straight in the heart. Music that makes me dance, sing, laugh. A perfect soundtrack. A smile from a stranger. Kind words. Peace and forgiveness. Not only does forgiveness make the person feel better, but it makes me feel more love inside; it makes me feel as though I’ve gone one step above to make a situation easier. What else makes life good? Trials. Without trials we would not understand what happiness is. I’ve had to experience the lame parts of life to really appreciate that I am, for the most part, a pretty happy person. Unfortunately, I’ve needed a chemical boost to help “happy” be a regular state of being. Thank you Zoloft. I was skeptical at first, but when my doctor said treating depression is like treating a sinus infection, I joined the millions of antidepressant users. It is just a chemical imbalance that needs a little boost. Man am I glad for that! I am now able to enjoy my surroundings, to enjoy the people around me and the people I love, to enjoy day to day activities like brushing my teeth or walking to class, to allow me to let my guard down and have some fun, to not worry too much or hate or cry, to be confident in myself as a person and as a woman, to be able to look at myself in the mirror every day and truly feel that I am alive.

Depression has been a struggle for me since my teen years. But not everyone has depression. Before medication, I had no idea what it was like to not have to try to be content with life. I wonder sometimes if it’s really that easy for some people—can they just wake up most days feeling great without having to pop some pills? If this person exists, I’d like to be them one day. It’d be a lot of work, but it’d be worth it to not have a dependency on a little blue pill. Maybe I’ll never be able to leave the world of medication. If it comes down to it, then that is okay. It’s okay. Because life is only so long. I heard a question asked once: if you were to sell a minute of your life, how much would it be worth? An hour of your life? A day? A beautiful moment can last a minute. An incredible album could be listened to in an hour. A life changing experience could occur in a minute, an hour or a day. How much is this time worth to you? I’d like to think my time is worth a lot. But when it comes down to it.. I waste a lot of minutes. Those minutes add up to hours and days. When I think about how long it took me to get help and come out of my depression, I wish I could have been fixed much sooner. There are so many things I missed out on in high school because I was such a social recluse. Those times made me who I am today though. I can appreciate such simple things now. Random eye contact with a stranger or an acquaintance is no longer an event that spins my brain into chaos (I hope they notice how sad I look, Stupid people, I hate everyone and everything!, They don’t know how I feel and they never will, I wish they didn’t see me, I wish I could disappear). Now, random eye contact with a stranger or an acquaintance is a beautiful opportunity to smile and hopefully make that person smile too. It’s a happy moment I can give to someone that might make them feel good for a fleeting moment, a few minutes, or even the rest of their day. Maybe that person will keep smiling after we pass each other and they pass it on. I’d like to think that happens. It’s kind of like a mini-version of the movie “Pay It Forward”. (I don't know who reads this or if anyone ever will besides myself, but ! if there is someone out there in cyber-space that comes across my blog, please add Pay It Forward to your list of movies to see if you have not already!) In any case, Pay If Forward. It’s such a beautiful concept. It’s things like that that give me hope for people in the world.

I’d really like to think that everyone has a good heart down there somewhere. Whenever I express this opinion, I usually find myself being disappointed by my friends or acquaintances when they try to tell me that this can’t be true. “Katy, what about Hitler? What about all the people who rape and murder innocent people? There are people who find pleasure in torturing others. There are people who do sick things. We war against people or nations—we shoot people to solve problems.” There is no way all people are inherently good. But why not have the optimism? If you expect nothing but beauty and kind things from a person, yes, you might be disappointed. But why not hope for the best? The view I’ve received from my sister: You can’t assume that everyone has good intentions. People lie, manipulate. They cheat and steal. People use their charm to get what they want. They bribe. They use other people for their own benefit, pleasure, or image. If you aren’t careful, they walk all over you! Yes, I have experienced many of these things. Unfortunately. But that’s life. Right? Or should we hope that one day the ripple affect makes it around the world and all who live on the earth are happy? Impossible? How about half the world? Is that too much? I wonder how many people in this world can truly and honestly say that they are happy. People have flaws—nobody is perfect. We all have bad days, even when we’ve got a little blue pill that balances our chemicals. But how sad is it, that I can’t seem to believe half the world is happy. Maybe there are, but man, I really don’t know. How beautiful would this world be if all walks of life had passion and hope for their neighbors? Had daily doses of love and joy? Abundant smiles and laughter! Endless kind words and encouragement! Appreciation! LIFE! What if?!!! What if? What …if.

Maybe it’s just that I wish--I wish with all that I have!, I wish with every ounce of hope I can muster!, that all people were inherently good.

Does it make me vulnerable that I, more often than not, find myself assuming everyone is good? Yes.

S of c, part two

Spring Break is almost over. Tonight is my last night in town and I'll meet my ride in North Bend at 1:15 tomorrow afternoon. Man I love it here; I am a proud resident of the Pacific Northwest. What a place to be! The trees, the wet air, the mountains and lakes! When I'm in Pullman I miss these things. Though I will admit, there are some great things about Pullman you cannot experience here. The stars out on the eastside of the mountains... are breathtaking. The sky is so much deeper. The sunsets are almost always incredible, the sunrises--so I've heard--are well worth the all nighter. When it comes to seasons in Pullman, there are only two: Summer and Winter. Summer lasts from the end of May to September and Winter takes up all the other months. If you were to argue that Autumn existed, I might give you a two-day span in which one day there are leaves on the trees and then they're gone the next, (blown away by a gnarly wind that is bringing in a snow storm that evening.) But that's really all. And as for Spring? It's pretty much still Winter.

In any case, since it is said weather is a last resort or "comfortable" conversation I guess I'll branch out a little more.

This week being home has brought some things to my attention. I've noticed that I don't hesitate to tell people how I feel much anymore. Whatever is on my mind just pops right out. Fortunately I also have the balls to apologize later and acknowledge that I was out of line... but I really should hold my tongue. Sometimes it can hurt people and an apology really doesn't help the matter. I attacked my dad for making a comment about Robin Lopez being gay, (apparently he runs very effeminately). For some reason, even though I am not gay myself, I am very offended when people use the word in a negative way. It's just not respectful. Gay is not a synonym for stupid. And the word retarded shouldn't be used in that way either; I need to work on that one myself. Anyways, I've said some things to people that I really shouldn't have. What happened? I used to allllllways keep things to myself. I never stood up for myself--I just took it in and stored it inside til it made my explode. Now I am either a little too confident, or there is something wrong and I am attacking other people to get out my frustration. The funny thing is though, I don't feel stressed. I am happy! I feel great! Life is beautiful!

New thoughts popping into my head and I must go with them.

My list of things to do before I die needs to become a physical list and not just a funny one that changes every day in my head. It starts here, with the places I want to see:

1. Go to the depths of a rainforest and experience the wonder and life that exists there.
2. Visit Iceland and ...revel in the view.
3. Germany.
4. China.
5. Tokyo perhaps? I'd like to see really how crowded it is in the city, experience the closeness...
6. Montreal, Quebec--apparently they have sweet dance clubs.
7. Philadelphia.
8. Samoa? Hmmmm
9. Travel the length of the Mississippi River to the ocean.
10. India.
11. Egypt.. see the pyramids!
12. Hike to the Mayan ruins and Incan ruins
13. Experience Mexico

and now just some other random things:
14. Learn to dance the Tango, the Salsa
15. Shave my head?
16. Fly to another state, or country, just to see a band play
17. Meet Incubus.
18. Write a song
19. Perform something
20. Play the tambourine in a band
21. ....

Okay now I'm just being silly. Perhaps I should just go catch some Zzz's. Until next time!

S of C, part one of many to come

S of C = Stream of Consciousness

Wow, I'm such a stinker! I just REMEMBERED I have a blog. And it's...March. In any case, I'll pretend all that time that passed was absolutely nothing.

Today has been a wonderful day. I'm so happy at home. Being away at school and then coming back here reminds me how awesome my family is and how much they mean to me. I came home and missed our last home basketball game, against our biggest rival ..so that I could have more time to hang out with my family--that says a lot right there!

I really don't know what to write here. I'm not really a poet or a person that has the greatest way with words. I guess I'll just start with some rambling.

As far as my New Years resolutions go, I am holding to the yoga one. I've been told I look more "sculpted".. I feel great--that's for sure! My other resolution about going to bed, not so much. It's been too hard to go to bed early, but I am doing alright. Usually it's about 12 or 12:30.

I am currently trying to decide which day(s) to go to the Sasquatch festival. I am definitely going Sunday, but none of my friends are going that day so I want to pick a day they'll be there too. It'll probably be Saturday. Then I can find a ride there Saturday, camp out with my friends, go on Sunday, and then ride home with my sister who is coming JUST for Sunday.

I've made some really fun friends this year--they are real different from the types of people I've always hung out with. It's refreshing to have some new people in my life. It opens me up to new things.. I am trying to be open minded and not judge people for what they do or what they believe in, their family background, or even their opinions. I'll be honest, it's real hard sometimes. I am trying. Sometimes I need to think about what I am saying before it comes out.. when I am nervous and I am alone with someone I just ramble and ramble. Sometimes I say things I don't mean. But nobody is perfect. I am definitely not the exception.

My view has changed completely! I feel like such a beautiful person now because of college. I don't say that in a conceided way. I just feel beautiful. I have so much love and I want love for everyone. I believe that deep down somewhere everyone has a kind heart. How can you not? Just look around and appreciate the beauty of the world. Yeah, there is some pretty messed up stuff that goes on out there, I know. I may not have experienced it firsthand, but I am not naive. I am being educated more and more everyday! But you've go to find the beauty in the world. You've got to open your eyes and look around. You have to appreciate the good things. The sun, the stars, a warm summer night, beautiful green trees (thank goodness I live on the west side of the state), music! Mother of all that is Good! MUSIC! Emotions! That fluttery feeling you get in your stomache when someone special walks around the corner and your eyes meet. The warmth of a hug from a friend or from family. Revolutions! I believe we are living in a really cool time in history. So much is happening around us. People are thinking for themselves and wanting to change the world! Wanting to bring some love back into this place! Man. It's incredible.

I'm outta here. I didn't bring my laptop home from school for a reason.

2008

A new year brings new goals; I have three:

1. Become a yoga master.
2. Go to sleep by 11:30pm twice a week.
3. Be 5 minutes early to everything.

Not the most exciting resolutions, I know--but for me, they'll be difficult. I'm already on my way on numero uno and I've been working on the others for the entire last semester, (though not entirely seriously). It's no surprise that the words "on time" and "Katy" rarely appear in the same sentence. Feel free to punish me for not working on these resolutions.

Happy New Year! Here goes nothin'.